


I am...

by dizzylaynicorn (orphan_account)



Category: SHINee
Genre: Six Months, Tribute to Jonghyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 02:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14966693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/dizzylaynicorn
Summary: This is me, letting out my stress and all of the pain of his passing. He will be forever loved, so I wrote a story, with five poems, each one dedicated to one of the members.I hope that he will remain in our hearts.





	I am...

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this doesn't do justice to his character.  
> If you ever feel like Jonghyun did, please get help, and I am willing to talk. We don't want to lose another beautiful angel.

I am Lee Jinki

I wonder if you still see us

I hear your songs on the radio

I see pure darkness take over my world

I want to be happy again

I am afraid to cry

I pretend I am okay

I feel torn apart internally

I touch your clothes, one last time.

I worry someone else will leave us

I cry, but I have no tears left

I am lost

I know you aren’t coming back

I say you’re happy now

I dream that it’s just a sick joke (but it’s not)

I try to get over you

I hope that we meet again, in a better place

I am Lee Jinki, your leader, your friend.

 

I am Kim Jonghyun

I wonder if any of you will move one

I hear your songs, and their messages make me afraid

I see you cry, your nightly breakdowns

I want you to be happy

I am proud you haven’t joined me this soon

I pretend you’ll move on

I feel like you won’t, though

I touch nothing now, as much as I try

I worry that one of you will join me

I cry, because you cry

I am hopeful for your future

I know that I can’t help you now, other than fleeting whispers and signs

I say that I’m still with you, in the colours I put in the sky

I dream my words will be shared, even though I am gone

I try to help you heal

I hope you will always remember me in a positive light.

I am one of your stars in the night sky, your Jonghyun

 

I am Kim Kibum

I wonder if you can hear us

I hear your fleeting whispers in the night

I see the things you left behind- most importantly, us

I want to let you go, to let you be free, burdenless

I am afraid we’ll keep you trapped, under the layers of our fear

I pretend that we are fine, in front of the cameras at least.

I feel like every question about you tears into my heart and rips a chunk out

I touch the final book you read- your own

I worry Onew won’t move on- I worry none of us will move on

I cry during the night, but only then

I am sure that you are at peace

I know you want us to move on

I say that you still love us

I dream that we are still happy, the five of us

I try to ignore the signs of you, still lurking in my mannerisms

I hope that we find each other again, under better circumstances

I am your best friend, Kim Ki-bum

 

I am Choi Minho

I wonder, not wonder but think, that you still laugh with us

I hear the others cry, but I can't do anything

I see the delicacy with which all of them carry themselves with

I want the others to realise, that we can never be happy, but we can try

I am no longer hoping to join you

I pretend, like the rest of them, that I’m fine, especially to Yoogeun.

I feel broken down, useless, burdened still… by my own thoughts

I touch something that's not mine.

I worry what will they think

I cry because, you’ve gone.

I am unburdened.

I know that I have come with peace

I say that I have let go of my worries

I dream that I actually do

I try and fail to move on

I hope that we will meet again.

I am Choi Minho, your flaming Charisma.

 

I am Lee Taemin

I wonder why you left

I hear the sounds of them conferring at night, tears tracking down their faces.

I see the headlines, glaring at us

I want for all of us to be happy

I am forever wondering

I pretend that you left the world, with good feelings between us

I feel, deep inside, regret

I touch with such care, the things you left, not wanting it to shatter, like this illusion

I worry that maybe, I won’t ever understand why

I cry, just like the others

I am still hopeful, even though all is almost lost

I know we aren’t dreaming, I know this is reality

I say that I didn’t know why you left

I dream that you will visit us, once more

I try to ignore all the pain

I hope that we will honour your memory

I am Lee Taemin, and you are Kim Jonghyun


End file.
